There’s a pose that I am not getting. I have been working on it for ages, and I am not getting it. I started cheating for a little while. I have a home practice, so it’s not that hard to cheat. The problem with this cheat was that I started to think that it was not a cheat, that I was in fact doing the pose, and was rather pleased to have mastered it after so many months of working on it. When I went back to my regular teacher, after a year away, he ended that happy delusion as soon as he saw me perform my watered-down version.
Then, when he saw me limp through the correct manifestation the next day, he pressed me, correcting mistakes as I tried to do the pose four times, each a little less dignified. I was so frustrated, I cried. Just one tear, or two, not sobs, but I had clearly gone past the point of equanimity. Then I moved on and did the next pose, and finished my practice. Crying was not a disruption.
Still, it was like hitting a wall. Once I noted my over-reaction and sat with it for a little, I realised how much struggle is involved in keeping up this daily practice and advancing into poses that take ages to learn to do, and I wanted to go home and sleep. For a week.
But this morning, off to Mysore practice. At least it’s Friday.